The 26 Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes

If someone tells a Chuck Norris joke in the woods and he’s not around to hear it, will that person still die at the hands of Chuck? Yes. Chuck Norris hears everything. Chuck Norris pictures, facts, and memes have become so common, it’s hard to remember a time when the world didn’t quake in fear at the fist (just one, it’s all he needs) of Chuck Norris. List contains only the most popular Chuck Norris facts/quotes, images, one-liners, puns, etc., (nothing dirty) and the best ones are voted to the front of the list.

The Chuck Norris meme has become such a prevailing theme in pop culture, it’s hard to remember a time when Chuck Norris joke-facts didn’t exist or when you couldn’t expect to see Chuck Norris pics circulating around the Internet (just kidding, Chuck Norris has been kicking butt since the dawn of time). The venerable star of countless classic Chuck Norris movies is so tough, so un-crossable, that the only sensible thing to do was to make a list of Chuck Norris jokes to tempt a fate worse that death at the hands/fists of Chuck Norris.

Jokes about Chuck Norris include classic lines like “Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he waits”, “Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. He has never cried”, and “Ghosts sit around the fire and tell Chuck Norris stories”. The manliest man in history has a cult following and has spawned some of the funniest memes on the internet.

What are the funniest Chuck Norris jokes? Which are the best Chuck Norris memes? This top Chuck Norris jokes list should get you started in your search for the greatest Chuck Norris memes, but it’s by no means every Chuck Norris joke on the internet. Upvote for your favorites (they’re all your favorites, clearly), and beware the wrath of Chuck Norris should you choose to downvote any of these funny Chuck Norris memes

Death Once Had…

Death once had a near-Chuck experience

Chuck Norris Chose Scissors

Chuck Norris chose scissors.

Chuck Norris Played Russian Roulette With a Fully Loaded Gun…

Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. And won.

There Was Once a Street Named After Chuck Norris…

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

There Is No Theory of Evolution…

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Overly Manly Man?

Overly manly man? Oh, you mean me?

Chuck Norris Can Never Fill Out an Online Form…

Chuck Norris can never fill out an online form, because he will never submit.

Chuck Norris’s Email:

Chuck Norris’s email:

When Chuck Norris Was Born, the Only Person Who Cried Was the Doctor…

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.



Chuck Norris Died 20 Years Ago…

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris Had the Idea to Sell His Urine as an Energy Drink

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.

After Having Sex With Chuck Norris

Had sex with Chuck Norris. Totally worth it.

Guns Carry Chuck Norris for Protection

Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection.

Fear of Chuck Norris is Called…

Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.

Ghosts Sit Around the Fire…

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

If, by Some Paradox in the Space/Time Continuum, Chuck Norris Got Into a Fight With Himself…

If, by some paradox in the space/time continuum, Chuck Norris were ever to fight himself, he’d win.

Jesus Can Walk on Water…

Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris Threw a Grenade and Killed 50 People

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.

Under Chuck Norris’s Beard…

Under Chuck Norris’s beard there is only another fist.

Chuck Norris Doesn’t Sleep…

Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris Can Make a Fire…

Chuck Norris can make a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

Chuck Norris’s Tears Cure Cancer…

Chuck Norris’s tears can cure cancer. He has never cried.

When Chuck Norris Calls…

When Chuck Norris calls, you answer.

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